Each of us are needed. This incident of my childhood has been narrated by my mother because at that time I was too young to capture those wonderful memories. Questions? All my friends said they wanted to have some fun with a guy and most of them said they had been with a guy. Just as a bicycle needs every link in the chain to function, so too are each of us precious links in the chain of family and community. But at this party all my friends danced with guys and I went into the garden with a guy who said he wanted to go somewhere quiet. References. I remember being kidnapped by my organized-crime-boss-father when I was eight or so, who kept me until he was arrested for murder, a year or so later. Just to remind those who like speeding, it is hazardous for you and other road users if you are speeding on the road. If you want to comfort them, ask “Can I hug you?” or “Would a hug help?”. You have one minute to think about what you are going to say. Your friend may be afraid of retaliation or of threats they received, so you may have to tell someone for them. If you live with the person, tell someone outside of your home, like a teacher or counselor at school. Listening is helpful to a survivor whether the rape just occurred or whether it occurred years ago. We all knew it was wrong but we did it anyways. % of people told us that this article helped them. Be patient with the victim because they may feel afraid of everyone around them especially if the person who raped them was someone they trusted or loved. Actually, I can remember quite a few occasions when I tried to lend a helping hand to others. International Inc. since 2000 to now. I still don’t feel good about it and some days can be better than others… but I’m looking forwards, not backwards. Let them decide when they are ready to participate in activities, everything from social activities to support groups or counseling. Some people can handle it on their own, understanding the hows and whats of such an experience, and being able to process it. The day was really superb. posted by five fresh fish at 8:23 PM on February 2, 2005 . I was addicted… I wish I hadn’t started. She provides therapy to people who struggle with addictions, mental health, and trauma in community health settings and private practice. Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered. Last Updated: February 19, 2020 Please don’t do what I did. It will help their anxiety and sense of self for you to let them control certain aspects of their environment to make sure they are comfortable. It may be necessary for a survivor to tell their story to new friends or in new relationships, and listening in this way validates their courage in talking about it and their trust in you. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011. You only get one body and only you can look after it.”, “My peer group wants to make a difference. Email: webmaster(at)yourlifecounts(dot)org, A Federally registered not for profit charitable organization; CRA#135891257RR0001, Reconnecting people with hope and their reasons2live, Our online lifeline and extensive web resource at. I think that’s important. I’ve got drugs out of my body. Put the Needs of the Company Above Your Own Needs: You do not necessarily want to describe a story of a time when you helped someone, and you were rewarded to some capacity. All my friends said they wanted to have some fun with a guy and most of them said they had been with a guy. Doctors will be able to assist with the collection of evidence including any evidence needed by the police if your friend should choose to pursue it themselves. [You will have to talk about the topic for one to two minutes. Keep going! A survivor may experience symptoms of Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) including flashbacks, nightmares, mood swings, and difficulty concentrating. He nearly died. I used to live upstate in the country. This event happened with me when I was just three years old. If they say, “I shouldn't have had so much to drink,” tell them that drinking or even being drunk is not a sign that it is okay to take advantage of someone. If it is possible that your friend could have gotten pregnant during the attack, a doctor can help with a medication to decrease the likelihood of pregnancy and eventually, a pregnancy test. And for anyone feeling a need for a hug, I embrace you strongly and securely. What if my friend doesn't know that I know about it? By using our site, you agree to our. My friends are like family to me and we all look out for each other. Please, join us in our effort. This incident happened a few months ago. I knew it was wrong and I didn’t want to.”, “I went to a party with my friends from school. She pretends nothing happened, feels fine, doesn't want go to a psychologist. They can try to help your partner bring back these memories in a safe, controlled environment. We are all doing well at school and we want to keep it that way. Tell someone. My friend had a key so we took the gun outside. Log in or register to post comments; bloomy replied on 23 July, 2020 - 15:54 Morocco . We were all excited and were messing around with the gun. Your friend may not be thinking clearly, however, they should be under the care of a doctor just in case they were exposed to any sexually transmitted diseases. I know it was peer pressure that got me into that stuff. The mus Email us at info, No-one should lose their life or the life of a precious loved one to suicide. If they are okay and safe in their living situation, make sure they feel safe. Find local support groups for survivors of crimes or survivors of rape or sexual assault. It may be very helpful eventually for your friend to be able to talk to others that understand what they are coping with. I don’t want anyone to go through what I went through.”, “I like cars a lot. They are trained to deal with this situation and will know how to help you. Provide your friend with the number of your local rape crisis center. That’s why you need some time a power to understand them . I’ll never forget that day.”, “I started doing drugs when I was 15. He raped me in the garden while everyone was having fun at the party. They will be able to help you figure out if you should be worried or if it is a normal part of the healing process for your friend. I was playing with my toys as … If you ever need to talk about this or anything else, feel free to get in touch with us. You should say: whom you helped and why; how you helped this person; what the result was ; and explain how you felt about helping this person. There isn't a way to safeguard against assault. You can even call there yourself for more advice and information on how you can help your friend. This is a childhood incident that happened in my childhood time. Once I’d started I couldn’t stop. It may be best for them to seek professional help if they are willing to do so. Don't be too pushy, just make sure they know you are there for them. You will have a strong urge to physically comfort them or be close to them if they are upset or crying. Let your friend control the pace and content of talking about the incident. You, your loved ones, a friend...a colleague...someone you know. Offer to be a resource and help them with anything they might need while they heal. It’s not worth it… and your life gets messed up. Keep in mind that it is about what they need. If they don't want to, let them know that you have to for their safety. For a short distraction, maybe offer to play a card game, watch a movie, or go get coffee or ice cream, if they are comfortable with it. If you need to write an incident report, start writing down the basic facts you need to remember as soon as possible, so you don’t start to forget details. You will need to recharge your batteries in order to keep up with your life and with helping your friend. And we are here for you. I don’t know why I did that. I used to have a friend of mine a couple of years ago. Make sure you are taking breaks for yourself. My mom always told me not to allow any guys to take advantage of me and to stick together with my friends when I’m at parties. Make sure they understand that reporting does not mean they have to prosecute, but it does give them the opportunity to in the future if they change their mind. Try and be available to them if they want to talk or need your help. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011. When speaking to your friend try and avoid using the word “victim” and instead use “survivor.”. We know there are bad things out there and we want to help each other to make the right decisions. I had an accident this summer & had surgery, she has not been there for me. This article was co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Wisconsin specializing in Addictions and Mental Health. If your friend is living with, or in regular contact with the perpetrator you may need to help them find a safe place to be or to live for awhile. © All material copyright Your Life Counts! Make sure you are eating and sleeping well. So even if you have every intention of staying in touch, it’s easy to neglect your friends and even lose contact with them altogether when life gets hectic. Yes, that includes YOU. Never question them about why they were where they were or the situation they were in. A gentle recognition and encouragement from the YLC Team to all who have lost a loved one to suicide or may have wrestled with suicide in their own lives. Include the time, date, and location of the incident, as well as your name and work ID number and the names of anyone else who was present. Never question them about what they were wearing. It’s what keeps me calm ‘cause I need them to support me when I need help. What if my partner is blocking out the memories, but wants to remember them? Please help us continue to provide you with our trusted how-to guides and videos for free by whitelisting wikiHow on your ad blocker. I don’t know why I did that. They may still benefit from a verbal reminder that they are safe as well, or from having someone to go with them places if it makes them feel more comfortable. He raped me in the garden while everyone was having fun at the party. I didn’t want to but all my friends were smoking and I didn’t want to be out of the group. If the rape did not occur recently, there may still be some situations or things that your friend feels very particular about. We didn’t have one but my friend’s dad had one locked in a cabinet in his home. Tell them, “No matter what the circumstances were, this is not your fault.”. If you benefitted in some way, then that is fine. We know ads can be annoying, but they’re what allow us to make all of wikiHow available for free. Here are some real stories: “I smoked my first cigarette when I was 11. We use cookies to make wikiHow great. If you are of school age, you can talk to a school counselor or your parents. The music was so loud no one could hear me. Is it okay if I ask my friend(male) to improve themselves physically since they are very weak and there may be some chances of the same thing happening in the future? If you work out, you can invite him along, but don't say anything about it being for his safety--it isn't. All my friends were into it and I honestly felt it was ok to do the stuff with them. We’re here for you. Offer to go with your friend as they report it to the authorities. I didn’t want to do it but we all felt we could have some fun and get away with it… I’ve been caught twice by the cops and they say if I do this again I will go to jail. Learn how to manage stress like a therapist. Know that everyone responds differently with different emotions and different motivations. This will be especially helpful right after the occurrence, your friend may need someone to check in on a pet, or pick up a few things at the grocery store. It’s cool and it works.”. They don’t want me to hang with these guys anymore but they’re my friends… I wouldn’t do this on my own but when I’m with the guys it makes me feel good and I can do stuff.”, “I want to share this with other teens. Understand that under-reporting is a common problem with only 344 out of 1,000 rapes reported to the police. He often gets bullied too and after that incident he has become more introvert kind of person and is afraid of being alone in a room. Your Life Counts stands for change in the way our culture and our world views suicide. Don’t do drugs. I’ve come to the realization that you only know your true friends when you’re down. You may be experiencing vicarious trauma. When a person experiences a traumatic event, it can be easy to imagine the many components and facets to the healing process. In some situations and in some states, laws may require a doctor to report suspected rape cases to the authorities; which could help keep your friend safe. We did this a lot. The best thing you can do is spend time with your friend and provide the support he needs. Describe a time when you helped someone. If it's not someone at home, tell a parent or guardian so they can make sure you never have to be around that person, or at the very least, you never have to be alone with them. With your support, together we can encourage humanity to live out their natural lives. If you notice a major change in your friend's behavior, mood, or lifestyle, talk to an authority figure about it. If you are feeling emotional, start to notice you are having nightmares, or seem to be having similar symptoms to your friend, seek help from a counselor. You’re not alone in peer pressure. Suicide is not an option. What do I do if I feel unsafe around a family member? Those wonderful memories it through the darkest time is the one which actually changed my of... Know why I did that by using our site, you can call a mental health, trauma... All authors for creating a page that has been read 73,480 times should their... You will have to tell or how others are reacting to the realization that you one. 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